The holidays are a magical time for many, full of twinkling lights, joyful gatherings, and the nostalgia of traditions. But they can also be overwhelming—an unrelenting barrage of expectations, social obligations, and emotional triggers. If you’ve ever found yourself saying yes to too much, dreading yet another holiday event, or leaving a family gathering emotionally drained, you’re not alone. The good news? Somatic skills and boundaries are your ally in navigating the holiday season with more peace and less guilt.
My Overstimulated Holiday Moment
A few years ago, I found myself in the middle of a holiday party that was supposed to be fun but felt like a pressure cooker. The room was packed, the music was loud, and people were mingling in tight clusters. I was doing my best to make conversation, but my heart was racing, and my chest felt tight. I realized I hadn’t eaten much that day, and the smells of food, the clinking of glasses, and the constant hum of voices were pushing me into sensory overload.
I excused myself to the bathroom, locked the door, and leaned against the wall. As I stood there, I noticed my body was sending clear messages: my shoulders were tense, my stomach was in knots, and my breathing was shallow. These somatic cues—the physical sensations tied to stress—were screaming at me that I needed to regroup.
The Somatic Wisdom of Boundaries
In that moment, I chose to listen to my body. Instead of pushing through and pretending everything was fine, I gave myself permission to leave the party early. I explained to my host that I wasn’t feeling well and thanked them for a lovely evening. Driving home, I felt a sense of relief and empowerment. I hadn’t stayed out of obligation or fear of disappointing someone; I had respected my own needs.
That night, I leaned on regulation skills to calm my nervous system. I took slow, deliberate breaths—an inhale for four counts, holding for four, and exhaling for six. I turned off the overhead lights at home and let the soft glow of a candle soothe me. I stretched gently to release the tension in my shoulders and reflected on what I’d learned: when I honor my body’s signals, I protect my mental health.
Why Boundaries Matter During the Holidays
The holiday season often challenges our boundaries. We say yes to things out of habit, obligation, or guilt—agreeing to host, attend, or contribute when we’re already stretched thin. Without boundaries, we risk resentment, burnout, and even physical illness. Boundaries aren’t about being rigid or selfish; they’re about creating space for your well-being.
Imagine your time and energy as a finite resource. Every time you say yes to something that doesn’t align with your capacity or values, you drain that resource. Setting boundaries means saying no to what doesn’t serve you so you can say yes to what does.
How to Set Boundaries with Grace
- Be Clear and Direct
When setting a boundary, be honest but kind. Instead of saying, “I can’t come to the dinner because I’m too busy,” you could say, “I appreciate the invitation, but I need to prioritize rest that evening.” - Anticipate Pushback
Some people may not understand your boundaries right away. That’s okay—it’s not your job to make them comfortable with your choices. Reassure them if necessary but stand firm. - Use “I” Statements
Framing your needs in terms of yourself rather than others can reduce defensiveness. For example, “I feel overwhelmed with back-to-back events and need some downtime,” shifts the focus to your feelings rather than their plans. - Practice Saying No
If the word “no” feels foreign to you, rehearse it in low-stakes situations. Practice declining small requests so it becomes easier when the stakes are higher.
Regulation Skills to Navigate Stress
Boundaries are only part of the equation. Holiday stress doesn’t disappear just because you say no to a few things. That’s where regulation skills come in, helping you manage your emotional and physical responses in the moment.
Here are some techniques that worked for me and might help you too:
- Grounding Exercises: Use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique to ground yourself. Identify five things you see, four things you feel, three things you hear, two things you smell, and one thing you taste. This can help pull you out of an anxious headspace.
- Breathwork: Slow, deep breathing activates your parasympathetic nervous system, signaling your body to relax. Try box breathing or simply inhale for four counts and exhale for six.
- Sensory Comfort: Soft textures, calming scents, or even sipping warm tea can soothe your senses when you’re feeling overstimulated.
- Movement: Gentle stretching, a short walk, or even dancing in your kitchen can help release pent-up energy and reduce stress.
Embracing the Holidays on Your Terms
This holiday season, I invite you to tune into your body, honor your needs, and embrace the power of boundaries. If you feel overwhelmed, pause and ask yourself: What is my body telling me? What do I need in this moment? The more you practice listening to yourself, the more intuitive it becomes.
You deserve a holiday season that feels meaningful and restorative—not one where you’re merely surviving. So go ahead: set those boundaries, practice those regulation skills, and create a season that reflects what you value most.
Remember, the greatest gift you can give your loved ones is your presence—not just physically, but emotionally. And the greatest gift you can give yourself? The freedom to say no and the grace to choose what nurtures your well-being.
If this resonates with you and you’re ready to explore how boundaries and regulation skills can transform not just your holidays but your everyday life, let’s connect. Whether you’re navigating anxiety, trauma, or simply feeling overwhelmed, you don’t have to face it alone. Reach out today to schedule a session, and let’s work together to build a life where you feel empowered, balanced, and truly at peace.
Your well-being is worth it—take the first step.
