Men are strong, intelligent, and often natural leaders. Yet, society frequently discourages men from expressing emotion. From a young age, boys are taught that crying or showing vulnerability is socially unacceptable. To do so risks being labeled as weak, leading to rejection or ridicule. This early conditioning teaches boys to suppress their emotions and push through difficult feelings. They learn to “man up” by doing what’s expected—jumping off the cliff into the lake at summer camp, dominating the hallway with confidence, or choosing sports over other interests.
As boys grow into men, these societal expectations persist. At work, they’re expected to lead, to listen, to give the best advice, and to remain level-headed. The idea of an anxious man in a leadership role doesn’t align with traditional corporate norms. Yet life doesn’t stop being challenging. Rejection, fear, grief, and sorrow are inevitable parts of the human experience. Instead of processing these emotions, many men shut them down entirely. If any feeling is allowed to surface, it’s often anger. Anger becomes the “acceptable” emotion, channeled outward or inward in unhealthy ways.
This emotional suppression can lead to isolation, self-doubt, and a loss of identity. To cope, many men turn to drinking, overworking, or what I call “perfectionism procrastination.” This means avoiding emotions by staying busy with tasks that society deems acceptable. While this might temporarily numb the pain, unprocessed emotions don’t disappear. Instead, they manifest in physical symptoms like headaches, tension, illness, or even injuries. The body’s way of saying, “You can’t ignore this any longer.”
So, how do you break this cycle? How do you learn to process emotions and regain control of your life?
Finding a Therapist Who Understands
The first step is finding a therapist who specializes in men’s mental health. This is where the work begins. Therapy offers a safe, nonjudgmental space where you can explore the blocks holding you back. You might not feel confident enough, strong enough, or smart enough. Together, we’ll look at how your lived experiences shaped these beliefs.
Finding the right therapist can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack—but hey, you found me! If you’re ready to start untangling what’s been holding you back, let’s roll up our sleeves and get to work. Together, we’ll carve out a path that feels right for you.
Expressive Arts
Expressive arts can help unlock emotions that were shut down long ago. You don’t need to be an artist—a simple marker and paper can suffice. Drawing, writing, or other creative outlets can help you identify and articulate feelings you’ve struggled to name.
We’ll also tap into your body’s wisdom. Emotions often reside in the body, and somatic tools can help you tune in. Think of your emotions like a bottle of soda with the cap on tight. Life is the Mentos dropped in—causing pressure to build. Therapy can help you release that pressure safely, using tools from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and somatic practices to manage overwhelm.
Reprocessing with EMDR
Traumatic experiences often shape the way we see ourselves and the world. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) can help you reprocess these memories so they no longer feel painful to revisit. This changes the way you think about yourself, replacing self-doubt with confidence and resilience.
Moving Forward
Therapy isn’t about becoming someone you’re not. It’s about uncovering the person you already are underneath the layers of societal expectations and unprocessed emotions. It’s about learning to feel, to process, and to heal so that you can lead a life that aligns with your values and aspirations.
If you’ve made it here, welcome. You’ve already taken the first step by exploring what therapy might look like for you. The journey isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. Together, we’ll build the tools you need to navigate life’s challenges with confidence and clarity.
